wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
