I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The ass gains better be worth it
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