What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
