I am puke
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
