You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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