I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
