Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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