My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
