I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
