she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
