you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
