Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
