She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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