and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
