i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
