Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
