You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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