Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
