Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
