DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
