Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize