i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Pooping to opera.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
