Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
