Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
