u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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