Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
