if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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