they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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