It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
