So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
