I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
