Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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