she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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