It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
