I accidentally burped into my bong.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
