i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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