I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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