Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
