so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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