Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
