I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
