Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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