I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
