Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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