my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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