my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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