my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
