we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
