woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
