watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I have post one night stand depression
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