I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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